yay me.

gm all yall. that's okie for hey.
well yesterday was to o busy to type about. its 6 am ish.... so I have a bit of time today. Maybe itll slow up today. Yesterday I had speeders that cussed me out..course they bought the ticket...and a fat woman that sat down in the floor of her house and couldn't get up... and lets not mention how she somehow avoided not sitting on a dog turd... yes it was that nasty.  I had a controlled burn... in other words a fire in the city limits. I couldn't get the fire chief...ha... to answer. so I went out and looked it over myself. before giving the owner permission to light it.... wondering if it was a huge brush pile..or a tiny one. it was sorta medium. I thought well...he has a water hose there. So I told him to lighter up...and call 911 if it got out of hand. I didn't mention that he was in a wheelchair did I? maybe he didn't park a wheel on the hose.... I didn't hear from anyone and did not see a lot of smoke.. so it must of been ok. I stopped a guy the other day.... but somehow lost his license! I looked everywhere...I noted it was going to expire in 2 days.. I had to tell the driver u.mmmmm... I hate to tell you this...but ...your DL is....well... gone. I wetn to the station and searched the car...I finally found the edge of a DL sticking up! I finally got it...and gave it to the driver... who said..."this is great..but its not mine". I never did find that fellas DL...but seems I did find the chief of police in stonewall, ok.'s DL... it was his. what are the chances? maybe if I make enough mistakes...Ill grown into the best small town cop ever. lol. Then I had a meeting....with the chief. for once I am not in trouble... someone else is having "growing pains" ...its about time .. im tired of my spankins. maybe ive grown into a full fledged traffic cop that needs little or no direction (except for losing DLs while sitting still in my squad car)... yay me. I also vacuumed the car out... and today I get to clean the vinyl dash. yay me again!

this dang curser has jumped to different places 3 times already. wonder what s up with that. So.. I said my prayers, I ate my oats...thanks to my little wifey who got up late but made it anyway. bless her little heart... and I have lunch in a sack! yay wife! ok yay is the buzz word today. its Friday! yay Friday! its pay day!! yay money! I love you yay yay yay. okok. too much caffeine. I swear it was only one cup. a big cup.

sigh. I guess I should go now, and finish the important inner office work... and do the criminal minds game on FB... I have mysteries to solve. My butt cheeks are sore. Maybe it was because of the vacuuming I did in the car? hmmm. Idk.... or maybe the getting in and out of the car so much.

Anyway... have a great day... its going to be cold the weekend... and maybe ice. Im running very low on hay. maybe itll last thru this long neverending winter. itll be close. I need to buy more lick this weekend. almost out of that too. one more tub should do it. things at the ranch are ok... fences are up. kt seems to be taking care of the home well. and james seems to be looking after the rest. he put out hay for me too. Were busy and tired ..when we get home from work. I made myself vacuum the house last night, but I was dead tired. I hear it thundering outside.  I guess its gonna rain.

that's my life in Oklahoma. later!

gm ..a usual start to the day.

good morning invisible peeps. I see I had ONE viewer on yesterdays blog. yay me! lol. Maybe they read something worth while, and got a perspective on something that will help them some how. probably not. lol

today has promising outlook... I made my first stop already this morning. its sun shine...but very cold at 19 deg this morning. its an 8 to 5 day today...so im hoping it will pass qu ickly.. and Ill enjoy the day. Ill have to get gas to finish the day in the squad car today. In case you haven't p icked up on it... I am currently working as a traffic police officer in a small town.

I have nothing too new to write about... just the usual grind of life. I swear this cursor has a life of its own...it just jumps from this line to a whole other part of the page...and starts typing there... I have to correct it and put it back and keep typing... must be something in this lap top ...the way I lay my hands on it... that causes it or something. Anyway... I plan to be thankful for all I see and do, and be loving to those around me as much as possible. While I write speeding citations.

I promise to write something more interesting later. lol.
this is todays start in Oklahoma... later!

zombie day.

good morning invisible peeps. today was a rough start. Seems I had alittle chest pain... course it was some kind of indigestion ... I woke up in the middle of my 5 hours sleep... hurting.. felt like I had swallowed a bubble and it wouldn't burp up into little ones. that lasted about 2 hours. geesh. all I ate yesterday evening was a bacon burger, fries and a malt. chocolate of course.  Youd think my stomach would be better at this...rather then worse! I used to eat a bag of burgers... now I eat one and my stomach screams in fear. Im gonna have to have alittle talk with that little green man in there that runs things inside of you. Hes pullin the wrong levers or something. Anyway, I drove to town semi conscious. good thing my wife talked to me on the way to work, or I would've fallen asleep. !

Ive decided these automatic cars..like mine..that turns on the headlights and does it all for you... IF you have the fob in your pocket...are for zombies. cuz I was a zombie... all I did was push the button to start...(im sure the button said "zombie") and it starts. it turns the lights on...sets the temperature, and all I do is steer. course I give it some gas. and when I exit...the car that is.... it turns it all off. zombie!

so here I am after 3 hours... and 4 cups of coffee. hope im conscious today at 1 when the drug dog gets here. were gonna run it through the school today and see what interesting things happen. Had another one of those "transitional"  talks last night.... I know her back hurts a lot.

Well ive played all my energy points in criminal case. so im off to paint the town with speeding tickets.

today has a sucky start

well its been a few days. the last 4 days I was in t town...getting all trained up on how to tell if your drunk enough to arrest when ur driving. turns out that when the class title says "wet lab" it means wet bar...and you get to interact and test real drunks. it was interesting. she came with me... which made things much nicer. we stayed at a motel, which made it expensive, but it was a mini get away, and she shopped and we did see her son there while we were there.

today is a down day. things happened and words spoken that hurt. Ill let that stand for itself. Its a depressing time..this Monday. The valentine roses are dead and thrown away... the special words on the cart don't mean as much today as they did a week ago. my day started early... and it was a lonely start. Its a day of thought and prayer.. at least for me it is.

I saw mandy yesterday. she was a happy kitty. the cows were good. Ruthann looked good. the fences are up. it was a nice day ... hay is out. I checked the lick..its getting low. ill need another soon. I don't have a lot more to say... soon it should start raining. I hope. If it does not...I may just sell out of the cow business...for good. Its a lot of work, to have drought kicking my ass too.

At least I got coffee this morning. I would say this sad start to the day would mean I would stop typing and spreading all this freaking sunshine around here...but what else would I do sitting in this small "police station".  just sit here? I could turn the tv on I guess. I could go pour a cup of coffee. wait.. ok. I poured it. when it warms up a bit, ill go get gas in the work car. I noticed it was low. kc went to the circus ....she won tickets on the radio station. she was f unny. she sent me pictures of elephants. she loves elephants for some reason. any way it was funny.  I know she was excited.

ok ill find something else to do. this is my life today in Oklahoma... maybe this Monday will improve.

can you believe my life now?

GM peeps. Actually Im talking to myself, as there is no longer anyone that views this. But hey, I talked to myself for years right? sometimes they were pretty good conversations. except when that one high pitched voice started answering me. man he was irritating.

So my lovely bride accidently slept in and did not fix me oats for breakfast. man. I knew that would happen. But she did get up when I came into the room after showering to dress, and fixed me coffee. I had a couple of choc chip muffins instead. It was ok. She tries hard. Im l ucky to have her. and shes lucky to have me ... yeah. yeah that's it. ok enough of that or the voices may come back. ha.

well I made it to work. I work alone... mostly. And that is not so bad anymore. Im getting used to it. I just have to remember to be flexible and no t get to used to my little agenda here. Im glad all Ive run into is a few traffic speeders, and a lost dog or two... little stuff.

Sometimes I cant believe my life. I so remember the many many times I was near without hope of change. I knew it could change, but it hadn't in so many  years... that it was just hard to see "around the corner". I knew...that when it came to other people...it just took longer for God to prepare things.
And then when it happens...you wonder why He decided to put  you with this person...who is really very different than you are. Im thankful He didn't put me with someone just l ike me. can you imagine what a bore that would be? and how that might turn out? But instead there are differences. some big, some small. But I will accept and appreciate those differences. And I will allow them to complete my life. They can counter balance me. I can use her strengths in areas that I am weak in. If we were weak in the same areas, it would be such a struggle. I choose to trust her. Trust is a huge word. Its action.

I went out to the car and unlocked it... as usual the alarm goes off.... until I can get the key in the ignition and turn it on. Wish I could find the fob that goes with the car.... I called myself in as 10-8. Maybe I will brew a pot of coffee. I downloaded a few marriage pics... maybe Ill play with them.

Ill be going tonight to Tulsa to take 3 days of training classes. Luckily my wife...(yes my wife!) will be going with me. Im so lucky. Shes taking off work just to be with me.... maybe we can make a fun thing out of it. Ill try my hand at inserting a pic of her and I getting married.

I think it worked. My my... how life has changed for me. If your reading this ..and you have read my past blogs ...since around 2009.... and you read of my ups and downs, and heartaches and  hopeless thoughts...saturated with a bit of humor here and there...then you know... how my life has changed. If mine can change....so can yours. something to think about.

Val weekend ended

Its hard to believe it when it is so good. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Usually when I do this, eventually the shoe does drop. So I think this time I will fool the powers that be, and expect it to continue on. no shoe dropping here. Only good times, warm and fuzzy love yous. And money coming my way. yeah.

Im sitting here semi conscious in the wee morning hours before daylight. that would be 634 am to all yall that don't know it... ive had one cup, but apparently need more of a kick. I just don't wanna pee all freaking day long. I wonder if coffee does this to anyone else? 

ok back now... I have this little lap top... and if you are typing along at warp speed, suddenly for no reason, it will do something...and it happens so fast... you cant stop it. Suddenly I was outside and off of my blog...and finally found my way back. Luckily, the program here saved this as a draft so I didn't have to start over. My laptop is possessed.

Over the weekend, we "dog sat". its not enough...that we have 2 large dogs of the step daughters, and 2 little dogs of the wifes... but we dogsat a great dane, and a small terrior of some sort. The dane was.. well.. buffalo like...and the little dog had this screechy little irritating laugh. It was a high pitched grate on your nerves kind of thing. I wonder why the owners hasn't c ut its screechy little throat yet? They were ok I guess... but they did not play well with the other 2 big dogs. None of them understand that when the mini buffalo barks, its playing... not fighting. It was semi entertaining. There were no "accidents" in the house, so that is good. So.. dogs out... truck gone... and a nice church service. I swear the preacher was actually funny when he spoke about marriage. After all it was the valentines day sermon. What I remember the most was him saying....Accept each others differences. Differences can work together for the good. Embrace them. They can complete what is not within you alone....to complete. I hope that made sense. I thought about that... and I think he is right. I wondered why God put me with someone so different than me. Mr. Structure by the rules at home.... with ms gypsy easy come easy go at home. ugh.  But I am going to let go and Trust Him and watch Him work this. This should be good.

We went to the Val dance. I bought her ONE drink. that's it. It must of been strong. I knew she was over the limit, when while we were dancing she grabbed my hand and put it on her ass, and then farted while she giggled. Yep. toast. not my hand... her. Yep..toasted after one drink. ill have to be a better care taker than that. She did get me a nice very loving and sweet Vday card. with red boxers. and what followed was nice too. ha.

The weather has changed, and its very nice now. in the 60s. Im glad of that... supposed to be nice all week long. Nothing huge happened to me.... but it was a very nice loving weekend. I needed that. I a sure she did too. Her parents were recognized for being married 65 years. That's longer than I am old. I guess it would behoove me to learn from him. When I commented to him, he leaned over and whispered "its a lot of work"... I thought... dang it. no secrets of the ninja married here...

its about time to go out and set the car alarm off. Someone lost the "fob" to the cop car, so each time I unlock the car it goes off. So every morning, anyone around gets to hear this horn going off. IT lasts just long enough for me to start it...then goes off.  I found one fob, and put a new battery in it, but as luck would have it, it was the OTHER cop car... so he don't have to hear his horn now.

Lets tackle this Monday, and conquer all. God go with me.

angry little blue birds

Yesterday was a good day, except for one little problem I had. I  decided that I would take the cop car to the car wash... it was a nice sunny day, so I went and acquired some quarters from city hall. The car wash was a simple thing in this small town. It had one switch. it said R ... W. Rinse Wash. I thought this was funny... and then I dropped all my quarters. I picked them up, and when I raised up, I hit my head on the metal coin thingy. I thought ..that was a stupid move sundance, and fed the coins in. It hurt fairly bad as I noticed the little blue birds flying around my head around the edge of the fog which was affecting my vision. The little turd birds were tweeting.."thats what you get for making fun of the car wash". I was ok with all this... until as I was washing the car... blood dripped over my sunglasses into my eye. Then I was pissed. I had to waste the quarters and abandon my car wash effort. I leaned over....and walked to the nearest office nearby... and found a small room where I washed up. Took for freakin ever to stop the bleeding. But no stitches. yay. I only got about 3 drops of blood on my uniform. another yay. It could've been worse. Ill remember RW when I use that the next time. dang I wasted a whole page on a split head tale...

Yesterdays total was 1 citation and 4 warnings. Today.. is going to be a very nice day weather wise.. and its pay day to boot. Its also Valentines day. I thought I had it all covered, getting 5 sets of val thingys.complete with little stuffed bears... and ordered roses for the wife to be delivered today at her work. But, I discovered I FORGOT to get a stupid card. I hope I can get a stupid card somewhere in this small town. I hope. Tonight should be fun.... steak.. dancing... and...well. If were not too tired. lol.

I tried to sing church choir music on the way in..i have some CDs that are the songs we will be singing in choir. Maybe I can actually learn the words.

Im thinking that I am liking this job pretty good. I am p raying about a job in my home town even though its only 24 miles here to this town to work. It would be cool to be local. Then I could have lunch sometimes with the wife...and run errands if I needed to.

I had one cup of coffee.. maybe Ill make a pot and have another. Im cutting down to about 2 cups instead of 4 or 5... per day here. I think I have ceased to be much of an entertainment to the central dispatch and scanner "listeners"... as Im making fewer mistakes on the radio. I no longer call in my location to them with unknown streets.... or id myself as "Allen 8". There is no 8. this is a 3 officer force. lol. So ill keep being Allen 3.

ok. I think ive caught up on the usual stuff that has happened. I wish I could get some pics on this puter so I could insert one now and then. Ill work on that. I like to use the pics I personally have taken..

I see im alone in cyber land. it appears no one has viewed me lately. Ill have to start being funny or something to catch an audience. They are missing out...I could be somebody really famous ya know. That's about all I have for this morning. Im glad I have this place to share my thoughts and start my day out. Ive talked to God, and Im ready to keep on in this direction...whatever direction that is. Im happy to be married , and have my partner to share everything with.  I remember many many nights and days...cold... no one to snuggle to... or talk to. Now to find ways to improve what I have ... if I can.
that's how it is in Oklahoma today.

2 angels advice.

well good morning world. or rather good afternoon. Yesterday was so busy, I didn't have time to write a thing. I intended to write t his am, but it got busy again. Busy is good. Today the sunshine is out! yah! The morning started.. whether I was ready for it or not... I warmed up the poe leece car, .. im so glad the heater started working. Amazing what putting alittle antifreeze in it will do! After it was warm and toasty, I went on rounds. I gave one warning early, and I wrote one to a guy doing 49 in a 35. He won the prize. Too bad he had a CDL and was in his company truck. oh well. That's what a retired parole officer does when he takes a job working traffic in a small town.

I had a visitor in the station today. He just wanted to talk. I had one yesterday too. I wondered what was said that both shared? maybe they were angels. as I think of it...I realize they both talked to me of my new wife and marriage. They just kept asking questions about me..until they learned I was newly married. Both touched on changes, and that it was ok to change...and it was pointed out to me that just because parenting styles are different, doesn't make it a bad thing. One even asked about her kids.. he said.. "did they turn out alright?...... well then.... she did something right didn't she?" okok. Sometimes the little things just bug the crap out of me.

Im trying to loosen up here... but I still say some man... even a future son in law... should not leave his truck in my driveway for a week. bugs me to death. I guess I can stew on it...and bite my lip, or I can just be the butthole everyone thinks I am anyway, and tell him to move it. And not do this again w/o talking to me. Not my wife. ME. Im the only who cares anyway.

So I ate 2 wraps... that my pretty wife made for me. I could probably just eat one and be ok. maybe Ill suggest that. I don't want to start gaining weight on this job. .. Well one more day this week, and its pay day to boot. im on the downhill run. Not a lot of things happening...as far as soul searching goes.. just the changes im dedicated to making ... getting used to life as a married man after being single.. getting used to a new job, being used to seeing my farm home lived in by someone else...  used to dogs in the house... clutter I never had before, mail...who would think that mail is an item that's an issue. ugh. Ill adjust, and so will she. That woman must love me. Its hard to get my mind around that. I asked her this morning what was the best part of me...she said..."the way you love me". sigh.

ok enough mushy warm n fuzzys. its time to fight crime. Or just watch it drive by to another town. Maybe Ill get another big time traffic violation. hey the other day someone locked themselves out of their car. I got to break into that. woo hooo. No I didn't break the window. this time.

This is the world of Sundance in Oklahoma today .

filters shew the perceptions

I wonder why a person chooses not to communicate? maybe they don't want to hear the response.. or maybe they are just too lazy to put their thoughts/feelings into words? Maybe they don't think it will make any difference at all if they did ... Funny how one can train others in how they interact with you. If you reply to them in a negative way... like grumpy, or angry, or have an unfriendly tone, or body language, then you can train them not to talk to you at all. They just find you unpleasant to talk to.

What a shame. I find it so, because what if...just what if..... it isn't them? That's right... what if their tone, or their body language is neutral. BUT ... something within you sees it differently? So if I talk to someone, and I find them unpleasant due to ...well...just being unfriendly...or maybe they are cranky... and then I talk to someone else who knows them... but they seem to find this person to be funny, or informative, or even wise.... and IM surprised...because when I talk to them,... its unpleasant. hmmmm. red flag?

Sometimes your past crawls right up on your head and sits there...taking over your eyes, your brain, your reactions, your perceptions...etc. And by the time you realize it, you've said or done something stupid. Now im an old hand at stupid. But I hate being that way because im wearing blinders and don't have enough sense to know it! I find that I hear them... speaking the words.... but for some reason, I just don't get it. That's usually a filter. Beware of filters. They tend to skew what we hear, and see...It will take time to learn not to use those "filters". But while your learning... just take the words you hear, and the actions you see at face value. nothing more. Don't read into it... youll read it wrong. The filters will cause it to be distorted. Maybe its something in your past... that's how it usually is with me. Something or someone treated you this way or that way... and when you ask a question.... or talk to someone in the present.... you expect to hear the same ol same ol. and so you do. You hear something else than what was said. You decode it wrongly! just don't.

Watch the fruit. I mean the actions... are they good to you? are they helping you?  Or are they mean to you...and use you? Listen to the words. only. Are they loving words? or are they bitter and angry? look further.... are they frustrated? Do you ever get frustrated? of course. So why shut down when someone else gets frustrated? If they use both loving words, and frustrated words...maybe they love you, but they are frustrated. duh. dang it Im gonna apply for a rocket science license. Im sure I can put that nitro stuff and multiply some numbers with some symbols, and come up with a new rocket.

If you combine what a person says, and what that person does...  youll get a pretty clear picture of the truth. It don't have to make perfect sense to you.... remember...your skewed. Its not going to ... but if you can see good loving, and attempts to show you... well... that's a good thing right? If he curses you, sabatages you, tries to humiliate you...embarrass you, puts you down... never says "I love you".. then just take it at face value. He doesn't love you. He likes to be entertained with you. Don't let that be.

I am no longer amazed by the things I don't understand. Its getting easier to just accept things. But I still want to understand it...all of it. I just don't have it in me. Im not wise enough... So I try to take off my blinders...and recognize when I have put them back on. I cant change them. I cant change you. But I can change me. That is where I can  have an effect on others. By showing t hem that one can change. Even at my age. You can grow.  you can improve. But living with filters...will only allow you to grow so much. Then your done. that's it. poof. all done.
Its hard I know... so ill just keep trying to look into myself...and pray God will \search my heart, and show me what is not right. Then I can take steps to take off the blinders.

I sure hope this silly post makes some kind of sense. Is there anybody out there? Sound off I dare ya.
Are you still alive Windrider?

4 people viewed todays post. 3 from usa. 1 from Germany. I wonder who you are, and if you agree or disagree? I wonder if you even get what Im saying? oh well. until next time.

Husband??? uh.....what??

Good morning. its cold, overcast, gray, and did I say cold? this is mid winter here in Oklahoma, and the good part is...the roads are clear this am! I even drove the car today. no 4wd needed.
Ive had a decent 24 hours ....and im getting more used to "home life". Its been quieter...since the new step daughter is staying over at her bfs house.

Last night...at the handy dandy walmart.... which seems to be a home away from home away from home....(I own 2 homes now...wow)... I was introduced to someone..."this is my husband".... the little man inside my mind screamed...WHAT?? who?? oh... me. ME??? shit. SHIT!!!!

that's right. Im a husband. get used to it. How long did it take you to get used to chocolate? basketball? shaving? ok ok so your married now... it was only 13 years single. my my what a whiner you've become. This is what you wanted. I know I know. But.... wow. Ok I can do this. I figured... in a month or so...we will adjust right? NOT. a friend of hers told me....not to worry. Itll take about a year, then everything will be great. what?? a YEAR?? Ive had more than my share of "freak out" times the last few weeks. In case your wondering, a "freak out" time is a time when you short out for about 5 minutes...and well.... freak out. I usually am allotted a few freakout times per year. But Ive used the next 5 years worth up in a month. *deep breath*. I can do this.

so..its easier right? I mean...I thought about this a lot before marriage... youd have a partner. Things would be done twice as easy twice as fast. right? 2 people doing the work. dishes... trash... cleaning... vacuuming. etc.. makes sense. Then at least one of you can be free to do something else. So why is it that Im busier now than Ive ever been before? Im working non stop... I actually sleep all night long every night now. o

the first cup of coffee is gone...and someone stole my under the desk heater...im missing that. Maybe Ill bring my OWN little heater, and take it home with me each day.

Ive been thinking a lot about change. ...and the thing is...if your not careful, you will start to be insecure. imagine that...me. tough me.... insecure. ha ha. ok. seriously... you will start to doubt. I was reading about how to avoid this...and the writer said... Thank God for all that you have..(the things  you acquired whatever that was...that contributed to t he present state of things...that caused the doubt.. which turns to fear, which turns to insecurity)... and then TRUST Him. NOT your spouse. not in your self. Trust HIM... that he knows whats going on... (remember that bird on the ground, hair in the drain thing)... and He will handle it. Just trust that itll be ok, and go on. Easy concept. kinda hard to actually put into practice.

Anyway...ill quit my whining. Hey its my blog right? er....my whine session. ok my legs are cold, and I need another cup of coffee. When they take the coffee away...im applying for disability. Maybe Obama will give me that... cnat work due to lack of leg heaters, and no coffee. impossible. Give me $1500 monthly with food stamps. I wonder if the social worker will agree? hmm.

Soon itll be Vday. I think I have it covered. I think. This will be my first Vday as a "husband"..I have daughters, step daughter, and even a step daughter in law taken care of. Roses for the wife.
good l uck to me. ill be back later today if I can find time to sit and think.

good morning

aww. the world of sundance. It started very early. My world has changed so much. But I am not complaining... I have prayed for years for such a change. Finally. Finally.  I reminded my self of this as I danced down all 5 steps of the front porch on a thin invisible layer of ice this morning. The good part was... My WIFE ... yes ..my wife.... was out the door in a second asking if I was ok? ive not had anyone to ask me if I was ok in 13 years...and the wife I did have would have just laughed and never even asked. So... the world has indeed changed.

Of course. not all is for the better... I had NO idea that it would be such a HUGE ass change for me. I think she underestimated it too. Of course both of us knew it would be a "transition"... but not like this. I talked to a friend of hers... who had remarried in her 50s... she said the first YEAR would be challenging. I hope NOT! lol. I heard the train last night. I smiled.

The trip to this little town I now work in...was....challenging. im hoping that the morning ...an d in fact the whole day is not too busy and is non stressful. After retiring...or whatever you want to call it.. and getting out of the convict business ....I got a job at the local hospital working security. It was a cush job... but hours were not good. shift work on top of that. This job is better. ...a few too many hours... at 50 per week... but what else would I do? I remember sooo sooo many times.. starting out that front window on the farm. looking at nothing. a pasture. the flag blowing in the wind. At some  cows. a few horses if I was lucky. Im not doing that at least.

Here I am at the "station" now...a small concrete block building.. with coffee on and the foot heater blowing on my feet. Its not a bad gig. Just a drive to this little town. I try not to feel to alienated here.. I have my internet, and my cell phone. The wife gets very very involved in her work ..especially on Mondays. She tends to not text or call ...and is very lost in her work. This makes me feel abit more alienated. But she is doing better. It was a good morning...as s he got up early just to make me oats, coffee, and keep me from leaving things.. like my freaking gunbelt. Its embarrassing for a cop to show up for work w/o his gun. Those days I just point and say halt.

A prayer out the door with an "I love you" means the world of Sundance is way better than it was. I still have people talk to me about their lives. About how things are going with them. Theres always someone sharing personal things about what I s going on with them. I guess its called friendship. or desperation ..im not sure which. I guess being a guidepost is part of what Ill always be.

So mandy the cat has found a good home. I haven't told the wife yet. She loves that cat. saying "the wife" is very awkward yet.... I introduced her as my wife the other day..for the first time. It was alittle weird. different. but a good weird.

There are still a few nights in which we feel the need to stay up and talk for hours about these changes. Changes that cause me severe stress or anxiety. I suppose it is the same way for her. Although she does not express herself very well sometimes. Maybe she just says things different. I think when God created woman, He decided he was starting over with a whole other species..and just started with the female part... t hen He looked and said....what the heck.... lets just put them together.. and well...itll be challenging. Funny.

so as the day goes on...coffee in hand (im so thankful for coffee).. its good. I focus on that. It is so easy, especially for me...to see negative circumstances. I think I got that from my dad. thanks dad. But I choose to be positive. "DONT TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY... NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY".

no signs of any life out there. I guess I was gone far too long, and lost the few "followers" I had before. Oh well... trust that all my paths, even this silly blog are directed by God, and that someday somehow, something written here will help someone. Hard to imagine, but ....He IS God after all. He can do that sorta stuff. I mean just imagine knowing how many silly sparrows cease to exist each moment of time throughout eternity, and it not be in any way shape form or fashion, a drain on you whatsoever. And lets not talk about the hairs on my head. He has to recount them after every shower I guess. I wonder if He could just sorta think....deep rich brown, instead of silver gray mix? hmmm.

ok that is all I have for the moment. ill share more thoughts later if im in the mood to. doesn't matter anyway.... im non existent in cyberspace... floating around in a place so big.... I may never see or hear from  another person here....ever. Its almost like being alone.

but not quite. later Sundance. (and good morning Linda, Val, and tumbleweed).

New Ice.

its early. The day is very cold at 19 degrees, and big fat snowflakes falling from the sky. Most of the snow and ice has been scraped from the roads, here in Oklahoma there is no way to tell what will happen the rest of the week. Thus the 4wd to work this morning. In the last year I have been faced with many unknown roads. I encountered many icy roads and hazards. I thought that I had long ago discovered and overcome all of these obstacles and would cruise right over them. Ive had many changes this last year. I told my wife, (ive been married recently) when we dated, that as a married person, we would have the chance to overcome and grow together in ways no one is able to,  unless they are married. I still believe that. Im living proof of that. Because even though I was confident that I was a fairly rounded person...with a few issues due to having lived alone so long, I have discovered I have a whole new set of issues that I could not have faced ....living alone.

Now I feel as though I am starting all over in the first grade with Ned and the "first reader", trying to sound out new words. ugh. no ugh is an old word of mine. I think I made it famous.

Well its time to go...ill have to return when I can. Real life comes and just gets in the way. Don't you hate it when that happens?

For now...Ill bundle up and trudge along. After all winter can come in mid summer. Ive learned to love the sound of a train, the dogs in a howling fit...im still working on getting used to so other people in the house, and the noises that go along with them...

Heres to the start of a new life, a new direction. just new. to everything new...because everything is. Even the problems. Im hoping that.... well. ill just leave it at that. Im hoping. In all ill remember to be thankful and trust God, so that I can be in His peace as I slip gracefully along this new ice.

its been awhile

WEll. Look whos back? Ill make this short and sweet, and promise to come back now to follow up. A quick update on my life. My last post was I believe over a year ago. On Jan 1 , 2014, I got married! Yes that's right. no not to the California girl. To a pretty blonde that ive known all my life,  but never took the time to get close to.!

Also...as if that's not enough to floor ya... I have moved. I no longer live in the country. Now I lease that to my daughter and her soon to be husband.... and I moved in with "her".

Ill be back soon. It took awhile to find this account, and to remember the log in procedure and the pass and all that. Ive got it down now.

There is probably NO one left that reads this as its been sooo long. But if you do show some sign of life! Are you out there tumble weed? blow this way abit...

that's all for now. Its hard to believe... but God really does have a plan.