west coast swing and fuzzynavels.

well it was an interesting week, in training in okc . th emotel room was 1000 yrs old, and Im sure I saw signs of jimmy hoffa behind the curtain. Im not sure what that was, and I dont wanna know. So amidst the uncomfortable stay, and long boring classes, i found the chance for the ultimate awkward moment. I just couldnt stay in that room any longer so I opted for exploration. I saw a few gals, but I kinda liked the one that was waiting for me at home, so I decided to be a good boy, and just look around the place. I found a little dance hall..and I mean little... attached to the motel. Theres a bunch of cowboys...taking the training too. They all have their hats, and pretty gold badges hanging fromt their sagging shirt pockets..and as true to their nature, they acted like true rednecks. Well anyway, the little bar was nice, and I decided that since it was a smoking bar, that I would break out my pipe, that I hardly EVER smoke.. and puff on that. I had my leather jacket on...puffing my pipe when the waitress wanted to take my drink order. she said wow that tobacco really smells good.. and I told her I didnt drink so, dont laugh, but give me a fuzzy navel. Now fuzzy navels are a fruity kind of drink, and I dont taste the booze it it. I noticed the dancing was an odd style, and the waitress told me it was west coast swing. so im sitting there smoking my pipe drinking my fruity drink when these cowboys enter and sit. and one of em says..."WHAT the hell kind of music is that...they aint played a country song in an hour! whats that dancin their doin.... it looks kinda gay". thats when I did it. Im not sur what got into me...but I did it. I opened my mouth, and said.."thats the west coast swing". No one said anything... and I dindt think anything of it either....not until one of them got up and got himself a beer, and his buddy... a fuzzy navel. just like mine. thats when I relized what I must of looked like...smokin my pretty pipe with sweet smelling tabacco, in my leather coat, knowing all about west coast swing. heck they probably thought I knew how to dance it too. I thought the guy that got the drink was gonna get into a fight. lol. oh well... the drink was nice. so I finished, and left. What a solitary few days. the week got way better toward the end, but thats another story. Lets just say that impressions do not always mean what you think they do....you knw, judging a book by its cover and all that stuff.

I did get to do alittle 2 steppin with someone I care about. It was a nice memory, and it sorta capped last years memory...of a very similar experience. of course last year I coudlnt dance a lick, and now at least I can get around the little dance floor they had there w/o tripping over my feet. and I only kicked her boots a couple of times.

Acceptance, the final frontier.

its hard to know what goes on inside a person. or an animal. once I watched two dogs as they played together... they were close. One dog was killed by a car, as the other one lived untouched. She sniffed and stayed close by. She knew. I konw that inside, she hurt. She followed me as I took him, and buried him in the pasture. She knew my heart was heavy, but I know she was saddened. I could just sense it, see it... she would go back to that spot...where I buried him a time or two...but then... she just accepted it. Gone. Now what is here now? So she rolled on, as she was created to do. to face new adventures, to love a new love, to chase another rabbit...fetch another stick. Its too bad I cant be more like her... Sometimes I ignore the signs I read in others, especially if I am emotionally attached.

Once there was a man who fell in love (or so he believed) with a woman. She said the words he wanted to hear, and believed her. She ...well... she did not let herself adore him. She refused to submit herself to him, as she did not trust. She was afraid. If "love" comes from God, then I wonder how God would bless this couple? I cannot see how she could recieve a blessing from Him. It did not appear she trusted her man, or her God...or she would have immersed herself in both him and Him. But to stay "safe" ..she did not. ... which led to....no. no i wont. circumstances. single to long. set in our ways. all were phrases created to hide behind.... because lack of Trust in Him, creates fear of the best He has for you: love. real love. enduring, lasting, satisfying, love. To bad ....that when he saw this in her, he could not sniff, and accept.."gone", and just go forward to see what is next.

There are more days behind us, then there are left in front of us. How do you wish to spend them?

I wonder who is watching this "movie"? I hope they feel the things I want them to feel. and see what I see. the sunsets, the blue sky when theres not a cloud present, the thing that lives on...when something you loved is gone. what is that? I hpe they have a front row seat...maybe the end ...will tell ... the answers.

perspectives and rollercoaster rides.

fresh fallen snow... doesnt it look so ...pure, and white? As long as your looking out the window from a warm room and a fire nearby, its just beautiful. I remember standing in it as a kid with tennyshoes and breadsacks over my feet held up by rubber bands, and it was pretty nice then too. I suppose age, perspective and ones personal experiences can determine how one sees something.

For some the road ahead is like that... some see it as overwhelming, and others as an adventure. Some are just tired.... they could not renew their minds, and the disappointments just pulled them down. Sometimes I feel tired like that. But I know God can renew my mind, if I just focus and ask. Everything is change. Everything is growth, or lack thereof. Its just the way things seem to function. I know of only one thing that never changes...one thing that never waivers. One thing that you can really count on.... and no its not chocolate. I bet you can figure it out. "HE" never changes.

So this gray dreary day, started with pretty pure snow, and ends with dirty mud. Its like life ...its all how you see it. For now, (like I have a choice ha) Ill just live thru the day, and learn what I can from it. Ive thus far discovered that the little things in life, outweigh the bigger ones. Or so it seems from my corner...my perspective. smiles from children. memories that make you get lost within ...a mocking bird singing his little get on my last nerve heart out. fresh flowers blooming. the sound of honey bees havesting from the blooms of the mimos tree im sitting under. the blink of fireflies at night. Of course there are a few big things that happen. a wedding. a birth. but I guess the little ones just come faster and more often. I so get lost in that space... that quiet place.... where you just soak that up... and hope it lasts as long as it can. With chocolate.

I think God himself made chocolate. so... heres to the roller coaster ride (jermiah 33:3) im taking, and to what is around the next corner.

stupid weather

well its snowing. yes...snowing. yesterday was in the 50s. today its snowing. freaking oklahoma. will rogers said it best...."if you dont like the weather...just wait a minute".. ugh. Im sure that crazy ol cow.. which was dubbed "ruth ann", will surely love it knowing she has no hay. I bet that stupid butthole wishes she wouldve loaded with the rest of her buddies, instead of trying to kill me. but no... so this is what she gets. anyway, itllb e past and melted by end of tomrrow.

thomas the cat is not dead. he has returned to the house a few times, and then goes off again. He is still looking fat, and looks healthy. I guess his ninja practices in the field ...sneaking up on invisble enemies and pouncing on bugs has sharpened his skills and now he hunts nation wide. if anyone sees a pretty black and white tom cat, dont shoot him. he has one knarled up ear for some unknwon reason, but is very affectionate.

Thank God for the wood stove, and I hope He will now send a nice pretty woman to me EACH night for a life time. itll help if she can cook, and float my boat to the top too. It seems the fun loving woman I am dating now ...does not really want to make changes in her life and go forward to something more permanent. I dont think changes at my age is an easy thing. I dont want someone walking in, and stacking stff on the snack bar day after day, until itl looks like hoarders live here. it would drive me nuts. so God..please dont make her  a hoarder either. make her organized. and neat. yeah. I could lise some other things..but Im sure HE knows already.

well im falling asleep here. so thats its. let us sew aht monday brings. today was hard... and slow. sundays always are. I felt the need to slow down and connect to God somehow several times today.  I am prayerful for those in my past whom I have loved, that they are happy, and healthy. what more could I ask for them?