good morning

aww. the world of sundance. It started very early. My world has changed so much. But I am not complaining... I have prayed for years for such a change. Finally. Finally.  I reminded my self of this as I danced down all 5 steps of the front porch on a thin invisible layer of ice this morning. The good part was... My WIFE ... yes ..my wife.... was out the door in a second asking if I was ok? ive not had anyone to ask me if I was ok in 13 years...and the wife I did have would have just laughed and never even asked. So... the world has indeed changed.

Of course. not all is for the better... I had NO idea that it would be such a HUGE ass change for me. I think she underestimated it too. Of course both of us knew it would be a "transition"... but not like this. I talked to a friend of hers... who had remarried in her 50s... she said the first YEAR would be challenging. I hope NOT! lol. I heard the train last night. I smiled.

The trip to this little town I now work in...was....challenging. im hoping that the morning ...an d in fact the whole day is not too busy and is non stressful. After retiring...or whatever you want to call it.. and getting out of the convict business ....I got a job at the local hospital working security. It was a cush job... but hours were not good. shift work on top of that. This job is better. ...a few too many hours... at 50 per week... but what else would I do? I remember sooo sooo many times.. starting out that front window on the farm. looking at nothing. a pasture. the flag blowing in the wind. At some  cows. a few horses if I was lucky. Im not doing that at least.

Here I am at the "station" now...a small concrete block building.. with coffee on and the foot heater blowing on my feet. Its not a bad gig. Just a drive to this little town. I try not to feel to alienated here.. I have my internet, and my cell phone. The wife gets very very involved in her work ..especially on Mondays. She tends to not text or call ...and is very lost in her work. This makes me feel abit more alienated. But she is doing better. It was a good morning...as s he got up early just to make me oats, coffee, and keep me from leaving things.. like my freaking gunbelt. Its embarrassing for a cop to show up for work w/o his gun. Those days I just point and say halt.

A prayer out the door with an "I love you" means the world of Sundance is way better than it was. I still have people talk to me about their lives. About how things are going with them. Theres always someone sharing personal things about what I s going on with them. I guess its called friendship. or desperation ..im not sure which. I guess being a guidepost is part of what Ill always be.

So mandy the cat has found a good home. I haven't told the wife yet. She loves that cat. saying "the wife" is very awkward yet.... I introduced her as my wife the other day..for the first time. It was alittle weird. different. but a good weird.

There are still a few nights in which we feel the need to stay up and talk for hours about these changes. Changes that cause me severe stress or anxiety. I suppose it is the same way for her. Although she does not express herself very well sometimes. Maybe she just says things different. I think when God created woman, He decided he was starting over with a whole other species..and just started with the female part... t hen He looked and said....what the heck.... lets just put them together.. and well...itll be challenging. Funny.

so as the day goes on...coffee in hand (im so thankful for coffee).. its good. I focus on that. It is so easy, especially for me...to see negative circumstances. I think I got that from my dad. thanks dad. But I choose to be positive. "DONT TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY... NOBODY GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY".

no signs of any life out there. I guess I was gone far too long, and lost the few "followers" I had before. Oh well... trust that all my paths, even this silly blog are directed by God, and that someday somehow, something written here will help someone. Hard to imagine, but ....He IS God after all. He can do that sorta stuff. I mean just imagine knowing how many silly sparrows cease to exist each moment of time throughout eternity, and it not be in any way shape form or fashion, a drain on you whatsoever. And lets not talk about the hairs on my head. He has to recount them after every shower I guess. I wonder if He could just sorta think....deep rich brown, instead of silver gray mix? hmmm.

ok that is all I have for the moment. ill share more thoughts later if im in the mood to. doesn't matter anyway.... im non existent in cyberspace... floating around in a place so big.... I may never see or hear from  another person here....ever. Its almost like being alone.

but not quite. later Sundance. (and good morning Linda, Val, and tumbleweed).