Only God Knows..

its been awhile since I wrote here. this site is not very friendly to explorer... but its working well now with it.
So many things have happened since I last wrote. So many changes. I am working on acceptance now. Seeing things happen in my life that I do not like. things tha tI cannot control, but they happen, and I must react to them. I hope I can learn to react with class and a spirit of love.

Things of the heart, that is the hardest changes to accept. Things that happen I guess for a reason. Only God knows. And He is not telling me much. Ive seen some tears, and I have felt the  ach of a dying dream within a heart. But if this is to come to pass, then so be it. Only God knows.

Things happen that we just do not understand. sigh. I hate that. But that is just how it is. So you surrender it, then you finally accept it...and then you must trust that this was Gods will for it to come to pass. Simple formula... but harder to implement. I wonder why things of the heart have to be so ...hard. ... so... passionate...ugh. I pray that God will harden my heart...and that way I wont feel so much.

I see the sunshine today... and it is a good thing. I am not sure what the day brings, or the weekend. and Thanksgiving Day is not far away. I must go forward. alone or otherwise.... but forward. There are so many things I am not sure of... only God knows.

Its harder some days than other days... some days your happy, and things look so good ahead. and some days... they are not good... and things look very bad ahead. I have not enjoyed alot of my experiences. But I guess there are a few things I have enjoyed. maybe that is me being negative. Maybe some "sunshine" person would say they have enjoyed most of their life experiences, but not all. Maybe I am a stormcloud person. ha. Only God knows just who and what I am.

Come on then. Come on world. Comeon day...weekend. life. Hit me with your best shot. I can do this. Im not sure why Im doing it.... or why this "season" ever started or ended. Only God knows.