Christmas stuff

I hear sleigh bells ringing..or are they only in my head. I feel the crisp wind of weather changing. I see you, and you and you... in red santa hats, and i see peppermint sticks, with lights blinking on and off. I hear music that brings more memories...I sit alone in  a house, the tv muted... and all these things I see and hear are in my head. I see baby Jesus in a manger. I feel the old joy of Christmas past, and remember with a sad smile. how can a smile be sad? and why does one feel sad when they smile? doesnt really go well together. but there it is. I remember waves crashing in on a sandy beach. I remember silver trees with colored lights reflecting. I remember breadsacks on my feet, because I had no boots when I played in the snow. I see Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye singing White Christmas, and Elvis with Silent night. It is indeed a silent night. When the tv is muted i can hear the grandfather clock ticking, the wind blowing, and these keys typing. I can hear the wheels of time creeping on... and on. Christmas past, it comes once a year. One more birthday. I never thought Id live to be this old. ha. bet i surprised a few. I see old smiles, and new smiles. I remember ... for a guy that cant remember what day it is, I remember so so much. Old laughter...new laughter. Old love...new love... I guess that is how it is supposed to be. I say let the past be ...it will come and go enoughas it is. Those that have left my course are not better off w/o me....but they will just have to struggle on with others. Poor bastards.  Those that are with me now.... enjoy today.
I hold no grudges, but I have anger. I wish no ill will, but Id like to stomp a few toes. Soon it will be a new year. okok im going to bed.