when im touching her, im touching you. When I hold you, Im missing the way she feels.
Your loving me, and Im loving her, Im waiting for something to heal.
If you cant bring her back , get her out of my heart, if she wasnt all that , then give me a new start.
I see her everywhere, but she just disappears, I know she doesnt care, but my eyes are tears.
When Im touchin you, im touchin her, when I hold you I miss the way that she feels. Your lovin me and Im loving her, Im waiting for something to heal.
Its been a year since I looked in your eyes.
I love you.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
nothing.
tonight was such a pretty night. despite that fact that it is very dry, and in fact a record breaking drought .. the night air was not so hot... and the stars were pretty. I walked my place tonight, as I often do, and saw the many places where memories pop up. I wondered ...again.... why I am in this place. I will remember the good times with others, but the good times I have alone too. And the projects I have managed to complete alone. Ive done ok.
I sold the cows today. I took a loss of course..but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. all but one stupid mean ol bitch of a cow. she tried to kill me of course. I could not fin dmy cattle prod... and I sure needed it. I bloodied my hand from beatin gher with a rod... as it rubbed a huge sore on my fingers. I was lucky I didnt get hurt. I guess I should invest in a proper loading squeeze shute... instead of a home made ..(gate)
My thoughts are not deep... and my skill at writing is not so great either.. but I will continue to stop in here and share a few thoughts. It has been one year ...on aug 17..... that "she" exited my life. I have dated alot ...since then. but somehow there is still too much of her in me yet. I suppose in time (I hope) she will sort of disappear. I cant see that, but they say time does that kind of thing. The daily tasks of living remain... the deadlines, the stress, the bills, the mundane, (no thats not the name of my dog) and most of all, the emptyness that cannot be ignored and swell sup in the quietness of night. I think that is why I walk at night. I know some people send their tumbleweeds out at night.... with their letters attached. I just walk and talk. It is harder to see memories in the dark. I am better at staying busy in the day, but I still dread the oncoming winter months. Letterman is over...and craig ferguson is doing his thing. what a racket. act stupid with a few puppets, and get rich. only in america.
maybe the country will go bankrupt on aug 1.... otherwise it is my girls bday. I worry about her,.. as she is having some physical troubles.
I wish this world a good night.....and dont forget to dream. its how I got into this mess after all. And the rest of the world should be righthere with me too!
I sold the cows today. I took a loss of course..but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. all but one stupid mean ol bitch of a cow. she tried to kill me of course. I could not fin dmy cattle prod... and I sure needed it. I bloodied my hand from beatin gher with a rod... as it rubbed a huge sore on my fingers. I was lucky I didnt get hurt. I guess I should invest in a proper loading squeeze shute... instead of a home made ..(gate)
My thoughts are not deep... and my skill at writing is not so great either.. but I will continue to stop in here and share a few thoughts. It has been one year ...on aug 17..... that "she" exited my life. I have dated alot ...since then. but somehow there is still too much of her in me yet. I suppose in time (I hope) she will sort of disappear. I cant see that, but they say time does that kind of thing. The daily tasks of living remain... the deadlines, the stress, the bills, the mundane, (no thats not the name of my dog) and most of all, the emptyness that cannot be ignored and swell sup in the quietness of night. I think that is why I walk at night. I know some people send their tumbleweeds out at night.... with their letters attached. I just walk and talk. It is harder to see memories in the dark. I am better at staying busy in the day, but I still dread the oncoming winter months. Letterman is over...and craig ferguson is doing his thing. what a racket. act stupid with a few puppets, and get rich. only in america.
maybe the country will go bankrupt on aug 1.... otherwise it is my girls bday. I worry about her,.. as she is having some physical troubles.
I wish this world a good night.....and dont forget to dream. its how I got into this mess after all. And the rest of the world should be righthere with me too!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Liars Suck.
the world consists of takers, deceivers, givers and believers. Its good if you can recognize that. Even so, there are times I just absorb their energys, and accept them..thinking that they are more good... then what they are. It is just never good.... never.... when you begin with deceit. What good can come of it? Do you really think that I would never discover it? I mean, in time... someday over the rainbow... the truth comes out. And presto... I realize that you are a deceiver. So it is like you expect me to just "get over it". Just get over your anger... your using to much negative energy. I was told those very words today.
I am bitterly disappointed in people. To be more specific... in women. A woman tells me.. she is looking for this and that. That she is this and that, when in fact she is not. I think maybe she does not knowwhat she is looking for, and has practiced this deceit many times before, so she thinks it is maybe normal... and the previous victims dismissed her memory quickly enough...so I should to. What a game. What a life. I can be empty and alone w/o playing that one. After all, living that lifestyle is empty enough. Recently I met a "free spirit". She was too. I appreciated her attitude and outlook on life. I loved her laughter, and her eyes. but she kinda omitted that she smoked marijuana for years...on a weekly basis..and that she still does. Bitter disappointment. so much for "free spirits".
Doesnt this method of growth and interaction with forces outside of myself seem alittle... vexed? Frustrating? I can just imagine how God feels. One almost feels like he is in the desert, walking through the heat and dead grass. It does not help that this state is in a very very bad drought, and the grass is dead. When I fnally get that trailer fixed...I guess Ill haul to market and take my losses. Maybe it will rain through some special blessing that I know I just must deserve.
So this is how it will be... i can see it in the future. two wounded souls..will meet. They will recognize each other.. and know that the other has been through life ...hurt but still alive. They will accept each other for what they are, and use each other to become more. They will embrace each others heart, and for a moment help heal the hurts therein. There will be no fireworks or rockets. Each has already experienced that in their lives...and if they see it again, they would run like hell. But in place is a small sparkle that grows just a tiny bit each heartbeat. It is not known (what am I a psychic?) whether they will grow enough to become permanent..but as my free spirit once told me.."nothing lasts forever".
![]()
The road is long, and appears to lead to no where. but maybe no where is a place too. Its hard, and I htink maybe the journey itself is the experience. ..and not the destination. I heard.. that you dont learn anything through success....only through the failures. And that is life. We improve, we expand. But the dreams we dared to dream are disentagrated. (spelling). From dream girl, to your a cute girl, porche to opal cadette... we adjust. Some call it settling. I dont know the accuracy of that. Maybe it is just being realistic. So we enjoy the "nowness" (just made that one up!) of it all... today. right now.. and we notice things we did not before. LIke how red a redbird is... and did that star actually twinkle?? I even have my very own star. If you folow the handle of the dipper...to the very end...and just offset from that.. is a star that is brighter then the other ones.... well thats MY star. The Star of Sundance. yeah. I claim it. I appreciate it, the moon. And what beauty there is left in this dry desolated land that was once green and beautiful.
So i look and watch. And wonder, and talk to God... about what is ahead. Is it health ? or is it sickness? Is it hardship? or is it a nice pretty hilltop? and ... will I experience them alone... or with another? I guess it does not matter... as....in her words...."nothing lasts forever".
I am bitterly disappointed in people. To be more specific... in women. A woman tells me.. she is looking for this and that. That she is this and that, when in fact she is not. I think maybe she does not knowwhat she is looking for, and has practiced this deceit many times before, so she thinks it is maybe normal... and the previous victims dismissed her memory quickly enough...so I should to. What a game. What a life. I can be empty and alone w/o playing that one. After all, living that lifestyle is empty enough. Recently I met a "free spirit". She was too. I appreciated her attitude and outlook on life. I loved her laughter, and her eyes. but she kinda omitted that she smoked marijuana for years...on a weekly basis..and that she still does. Bitter disappointment. so much for "free spirits".
Doesnt this method of growth and interaction with forces outside of myself seem alittle... vexed? Frustrating? I can just imagine how God feels. One almost feels like he is in the desert, walking through the heat and dead grass. It does not help that this state is in a very very bad drought, and the grass is dead. When I fnally get that trailer fixed...I guess Ill haul to market and take my losses. Maybe it will rain through some special blessing that I know I just must deserve.
So this is how it will be... i can see it in the future. two wounded souls..will meet. They will recognize each other.. and know that the other has been through life ...hurt but still alive. They will accept each other for what they are, and use each other to become more. They will embrace each others heart, and for a moment help heal the hurts therein. There will be no fireworks or rockets. Each has already experienced that in their lives...and if they see it again, they would run like hell. But in place is a small sparkle that grows just a tiny bit each heartbeat. It is not known (what am I a psychic?) whether they will grow enough to become permanent..but as my free spirit once told me.."nothing lasts forever".
So i look and watch. And wonder, and talk to God... about what is ahead. Is it health ? or is it sickness? Is it hardship? or is it a nice pretty hilltop? and ... will I experience them alone... or with another? I guess it does not matter... as....in her words...."nothing lasts forever".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)