Plan B.

Seems Ive been away a while. Life is an ever changing creature... and its turned on me again. took me a bit to get out from under it ..but here I am. Ive recently been forced to take a long hard look at myself, and notice some things that I do not like. Things that were said to me before by others... that rang a bell when repeated this time. I saw a pattern. patterns are a funny thing. reminds me of a quilt. No two seem to be alike.. okok its late, and my brain is more foggy than usual, so give me a break here. Things of the past, and things of the present... gave me a bit of a jump start recently. It is not a comfortable place. Its a hard place. But If I dont look at it .. and change something... then I will be in this same place in teh future too. Somebody buy me a tshirt. been there , done that.

Sometimes, things just dont look like they are supposed to. They look familiar. But they just dont turn out ...the way you intended. So what do you do then? Well, you can run away, or piss on it... and change it. chances are they wont ever be what you thought it shouldve been, but... is it something you can live with? Maybe even enjoy... get some use out of. Kind of like gettin married...in a train wreck. maybe you can even learn to love it.

The night is getting longer... (is that a song?), and my eyes are getting heavier. The fog in my head is not lifting tonight, but who cares, its not like anyone will read this crap anyway. lol. married in a train wreck, is that an old johnny cash song? 

Tonights dark walk, was accompanied by 3 cats, twinkling stars and a hey diddle diddle. ok i read that somewhere, I dont even know what a diddle diddle is. but I think it sounds kinda naughty. the slice of an orange moon hung low in the sw horizen. Clearly, if the kitty could ve talked to me he would have. I think he tried to. i still think cats are naughty aliens who were banned to earth as a cat. thus the hoity toity attitude. (no you just used to be better then me..now your just a stupid cat *kick*). God did not talk to me, like I was talking to Him, im sure id pee my pants if He did. Maybe thats why He dont? I dont have very many good pants. Thanks Lord. But I read where He made a donkey talk once. Im sure he could make that cat talk. My luck, it would be a stupid cat.

ok plan b. maybe c. but certainly not the original dream. Lets milk this alittle..and see if we love it. want it, need it. i know thats a song dang it. a song is stilla song, a dance is still dance. a kiss is still a kiss. in times like these. wait. surrender all. accept it... trust Him.